The point that lead me to this...

Its taken me a while to decide on whether or not to write this but I wanted to share our experience.

I'll try to keep this first one short.

During this blog I am going to attempt to document what it is really like during the up's and down's of trying to conceive (TTC for short).

This is our background to get things going... I plan on going back and writing down step by step. This is mainly an attempt to help myself come to terms with what has happened.

On 20th May we found out we were expecting baby number 1. This came as a complete shock after being told in February this year it was unlikely we would conceive naturally due to a diagnosis of PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome).

Obviously we were over the moon, shocked, excited, scared, so many emotions.

Then, on May 23rd we miscarried. It was the worst pain I have felt in my life so far.

I was 5 weeks to the day when it happen. It was classed as a "chemical pregnancy" as the little bean hadn't even had a chance to implant. I hate that term, chemical pregnancy, like it wasn't real. It was real alright.

I felt like a fraud grieving, like I had no right to because we had known for such a short time.

But then the more I started talking to people about it, men and women, the easier it got. I was not a fraud.

As soon as you see that positive pregnancy test, you start to plan the life that you are longing for. Nobody ever warns you how hard or how long conceiving can take, and the pain it can cause when it does not go to plan.

Most people I spoke to were amazing, and through this difficult journey I have been lucky to have the support of our families and close friends; I am eternally grateful for this.

However, there are some people that dont know how to react, dont know what to say, and end up saying the wrong things. Not intentionally, but sometimes it can be enough to set you off again.

This is where I think things need to change.

If someone comes to you and tells you they have suffered a miscarriage or lost a baby, or are just struggling with the process of trying to conceive, think about what you are saying. "Its obviously not the right time for you guys" is NOT a good thing to say, because for that couple, the timing was perfect, its what they'd been waiting for. If you dont know what to say, stay quiet and give them a cuddle, a shoulder to cry on and listen.

As a newly married couple, its inevitable people will ask "when are babies coming?"... Dont ask that question, ever. You have no idea what that couple could have already gone through or are going through. Its intrusive and insensitive.

So here I am sharing our story, as hard as it has been, in the hope that talking more will help more women and couples out there through their grief in such truly shit times.

If this helps just one woman or couple out there then I will be happy.

My door is always open for those who need it.